The passing

My fish died. Karch died.

I know you can't really see him very well in that picture, but he's there. Look by the leaf. That's him.

I found him the other night, eyes bulging, fins flipping. I fished him out of his tank and flushed him. As he went down the drain, I burst into tears. Yes. I cried over the death of my fish.

He wasn't even a nice fish. Sometimes he was downright mean. He battled every fish I ever put in that tank with him. He even survived a weekend when Shrek went rogue and started cannibalizing two other fish in the tank. Corky (he was mildly deformed with a hole in his fin) died from his injuries. Tigger (because he was stripped) was found completely without fins and helpless. He also met a watery grave that night. But Karch, he was a fighter. With only minor injuries, he lived.

After that night, I didn't put anymore fish in the tank. Karch began his life as a bachelor.

That little fish had gumption. He was feisty. I think that's why I liked him. He was always smaller than all the other fish that came and went from the tank, but no one ever pushed him around. He really was the fish that wouldn't die. He was with me for almost 2 years. That's a long time for a little tiger barb to stick around.

When I found him and finally flushed him, like I said, I cried. Not just a single tear on my face either. Big, sorrowful crocodile tears poured from my eyes. That stupid little fish left me. After everything we'd been through. I was so sad. They were the kind of tears that wouldn't stop. For some reason, flushing that fish made me feel so helpless and small.

I think that little fish represented a lot of things in my life. Growing older, growing up, moving on, moving forward. And although I'm positive the tears were a product of a million other things all lumped together, losing Karch was the last straw.

I hope you rest in peace, Karch. You were a good fish. You taught me many things, and if nothing else, you made me realize a lot of things about myself.

Bring it in. Bring it out.

Sometimes there are people in your life that bring out the best in you. They make you think and inspire you to do things you might not otherwise try. For some reason, conversation comes easily and whatever you talk about seems like the most important topic in the world. Contemplating how grass grows becomes interesting. Suddenly, even the unimportant questions and answers become important.

Sometimes you bring out the best in other people and you don't even know it. Just by being you, you make them come out of their shell and reveal that person they didn't even know was inside them.

By being a good person, you can make others around you better. By opening up, you may find a better person inside than you started with. By refusing to settle for what is in front of you, you can get to a new place, a better place. What is easy is not always what is right.

Your Person

There's this person. I can pretty much tell them everything. I just can't help it. Sometimes I don't even want to tell them, but I tell them anyways because I can't hide anything from them. But I know I can fearlessly lay it all out there, and know that they will still love me. They won't judge me. They understand how my heart and my mind work. They get me. And in turn, I get them.

As well as my person knows me, I know them that well in return. I would do anything if I knew it could make them smile. I would sit and listen as long as they needed me to. I would do anything for them.

A person like this is special. We have a connection that can't be explained and certainly not understood at times.

They know things. They know when something is wrong without a word spoken. They know when to dig and when to leave it alone.

They know I'm not perfect. No one is. And they love me for my faults and mistakes, as well as my successes and victories.

They are my protection and strength.

Even when I feel like I've rambled on and on about the same problem over and over again, they still listen. They still try to help even though there is no solution.

That's what a person does. They are unconditional. They are irreplaceable.

They are the person who keeps wiping tears away even though they know they are still more coming. They are the person who hugs you because they think you need it, and hugs you even if you don't need it.

They have an open heart and a gentle mind. They have patience lined with tolerance. And though they will not judge, the very thought of them makes me want to be a better person. They know the kind of person you can be. They can see it in you. A person wants to help you not just see it but believe it, too.

They are your shoulder to cry on and a friend to laugh with. You love them for who they are. Because people like that should be cherished and never ever forsaken.

Thank you, my person.

Bubbles

My thoughts are drawn to that moment in time when it seemed like everything was possible. A moment when reason was humiliated by emotion and trust. Rational thought was replaced with fantasy and hope. Whether fate or luck brought you together, the moment you feel it, you know it. Locked in the moment, enclosed in a feeling. Nothing seems real yet everything seems possible. Hope, for the first time, doesn't feel like a childish pursuit. Because at that moment, in that time, everything felt right.

Bubbles are where love starts. Bubbles are where walls crumbles and fine lines are erased. The thought of wrong or never are distant memories and live only in a time that wasn't everything it could be. YOU were not everything you were meant to be. In that bubble, you become lost in the idea that perfection might be possible. A dream, maybe? But a dream that never seemed so true until that moment. And a dream you cling tightly to when that moment passes.

What happens there is magic. An energy lives in that bubble, and its power can only be know to those who stand inside it. But the walls are fragile. Like a heart, bubbles must be cared for gently. For it's a great deal easier to hurt someone you love when they have completely opened themselves up to you. When they have laid everything on the line and looked into your eyes and said "This is me. Please accept me for who I am. Please cherish me for all that I am. And please do not let my heart feel pain." People allow themselves to become vulnerable because they love you, and they pray with their whole heart you will love them with the same depth and breathe.

Bubbles can not be forced. They can not be made. Bubbles can only exist when two people have truly open their hearts and let another in, fearlessly. The world around you fades into a haze. Nothing else matters. Nothing else means anything. It's that feeling. It's that moment. Nothing else matters. And time. Time speeds by you at a frightening pace. Minutes seem like seconds. The sensation of a touch, a breathe, a look penetrates your heart with ease and abandonment. Captivating you completely. All you can see is what is in front of you. All you can do is give yourself to the moment and live it to its fullest. No regrets. No hesitation. Hold on to that feeling. Fight for it. Never forget it. Love the person who is there in that moment with you. They are special. And your connection is undeniable, unforgetable and precious beyond words.

This was a long time coming...

The ongoing list of uncompromisables

I wanted to start this list because I believe there are certain things in life you shouldn't and can't sell yourself short on. No matter how right, good or perfect life seems, if you've compromised one of the following things, it really isn't as right, good or perfect as it could be.

(In no particular order)

Uncompromisable #1:

PASSION: My personal buzz word and mantra. But the fact remains, if you're not passionate about what you do, why are you doing it? If you're not passionate about who you are, change it. If you're not completely passionate about who you love, don't pretend you are happy.

Life is only worth living if you are dedicated to find what makes you feel alive. Maybe you're not meant to impact the world with earth shattering brilliance, but you are here for a reason. If not for nothing but to make yourself truly happy. Even the decision to begin the journey to discover your passion may be enough to ignite an internal fire. No matter how big or small, or what form your passion comes in, it has to be there. To embrace your passion you have to be fearless. It's not easy but truly great things never all. You have to believe in yourself and trust that if you follow what drives you, you will eventually discover your passion.

There will be more. Passion is just number one.

You are an adult

I'm 25 years old. I am an adult. I am completely able to make my own decisions, pay my own bills, feed myself, live my life day to day.

But even adults need to feel supported. Not with money or things, but with love. Love from family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends. Needing people in your life doesn't make you less of an adult.

It means you're human.

It means you have needs that another person can help fill. May it be with a hug, an email, a smile, a long sit down, a short cup of coffee. Just because you need something, doesn't mean you're not an adult.

Adults need things that they can only get from other people. No one can do everything, deal with everything, handle everything alone. All of a sudden you don't reach a certain age and PRESTO, you never need anything any more.

Usually, all you're asking for is to be heard and understood. You just need to talk it out without feeling the pressure of being judged or measured. You want to know that someone unconditionally loves you and is willing to listen without prejudiced.

Being an adult doesn't mean you stop needing. It doesn't mean standing alone. It doesn't mean acting in spite. It should mean coming together. Enjoying the here and now and everything wonderful and exciting that comes your way. It should mean living by your instincts and supporting the ones around you who follow theirs. Because, time passes too quickly. And in that short amount of time all you have time to do is follow your heart, and hope that those around you will support, understand and love you like you do them.

I am that kind of adult.

Americana

I feel like it's been years since I had a Friday evening like that one. Just hours before twilight we were playing tennis and enjoying the weather at the park. The sun was just hot enough to make you sweat but not hot enough to make you sweaty. As Brian and I finished, a softball game formed on the field next to us. Softball sounded like much more fun than the miserable tennis match we just had. When they asked if Brian want to play, he jumped at the chance. Redemption.

This group was like something out of a movie. The quintessential good ole boys. Drinking beer in the park, playing softball. 17 year old boys played next to 60 something year old men. There was a Doc and an Art. Of course! A setting like this practically required one.

Disagreements over bad calls and close calls were settled as quickly as they began. Each team umpired their own. Good catches were rewarded with a small cheer and instant recall of the out count. Bad plays were punished with relentless cat calls. Every old man thought he could make the play if he were younger, faster and just a little skinnier. We all think that though. If only.

As a whole, they didn't let much slide. Pat quickly became Patrica as soon as his weak pop out was caught by the pitcher. A nickname like that doesn't subside quickly. But a bobble by the more than capable first baseman that allowed Doc to reach first base received nothing but comments on Docs speed and agility.

Score was kept on loose leaf. But the number of beers in the cooler was a much closely kept count. We ran out. Whoever thought a 12 pack was enough got an ear-full for sure.

From the outside, you would have thought these men have known each other for years. Many of them probably have. Others joined later and were tagged "the young one", "the outfielder" even "the strong one." That was Brian. My nickname? "Roids" Yeah, like steroids. Apparently, any girl who can hit a softball has to be on some sort of performance enhancing drug. I think they were just impressed I could hit at all. I took it as a compliment.

They asked if Brian would play again this Friday. Even though I don't get to play, I still might go. The ease and enjoyment of the evening reminded me how simple life should be. You don't have to be going going all the time to find pleasure in life. Pleasure on Friday night came in the form of a beer, some bases and good company.

Bottler

Sometimes the littlest things make me crabby. At least I thought. Turns out upon further review, it isn't actually that one thing at that one particular moment that REALLY made me crabby. My crabbiness actually stems from something that happened weeks ago - in some instances months ago.

I'm a bottler. I keep things in. Make them "OK" instead of getting them out in the open. Words don't come easily. I clam up. I ignore it. I make it "go away."

(I know. All highly effective ways of dealing with personal issues.)

I sit, looking calm and collect on the outside, whilst on the inside the pressure builds. Like a bottle of expensive champagne moments from blowing it's cork sky high. Pity on the poor soul who gets hosed when I finally blow.

I try very hard not to be a willing participant. I try to keep the bubbles in check. I try to let out enough air to keep the bubbly liquid inside...well harmlessly bubbly.

We're all bottlers in a way. We keep things inside. We hold our tongue. We find ourselves holding back.

So why then are there times when I can't close my mouth fast enough.

Most normal people can keep their mind in check. They manage their thoughts, sharing what's appropriate and holding back what's not.

Sounds so simple!
Touche! I think my meter is busted. Because I'm "THAT GIRL" who blurts out the absolute wrong thing at the worst time. At the times when I desperately need to be a bottler, I can't quite get the filter up fast enough. Maybe I was built backwards or inside out. The things that are suppose to stay in, fly out. The things that I should share, never quit make it to the surface unless forced.

It's a work in progress.

Down deep

Do you listen to yourself? Deep down? Do you listen to that little voice that tells you when things are good and right and when things are bad and wrong?

It's hard to believe that intuition is real. You can't pinpoint exact moments and say, "There, intuition told me to do that." You just do it because something very small inside said to.

I used to think that some things were meant to be. Lately, I don't know. Some things are only meant to be, if you mean them to be. If you do something to physically allow them to be. If you wait around for them to magically happen, they aren't going to. And deep down you know what you have to do to make them happen. So why don't I?

Maybe, I just don't want to believe. Maybe it's too hard. Maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe those are all excuses because I'm scared. Now that I think about it, that seems about right.

Get over it

When all else fails, is the easiest way to stop obsessing over something is to simply get over it? Seriously. I don't think it works like. But what if it did. You could just stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop wishing you could change the past. Stop believing if you pray hard enough that magically time will stop, reverse and let you do the whole thing over again.

That's the thing about life. It just keeps going.

The only truly valuable thing you can get out of it the shear experience of the emotion. Stop for just a second and let it all soak in. The hurt. The pain. The love. The thrill. The fear. Whatever it is, give yourself a second to feel it.

Eventually, you won't feel like that anymore. You will move on, experience better, worse and different things. But you will always remember what it was like at that time in that moment.

Maybe the thought of those emotions will make you act differently in the future. Maybe they will drive you act the same. Maybe that won't change you at all. But that's the beauty of life...you have lots of time to figure it out.

Crap

It's just one of those days. Nothing feels right. Nothing sounds right. Nothing is right. And there isn't one damn thing I can do about it.

I let it get to me. I let it ruin my day and affect my work. That just makes me more frustrated. More annoyed. Less productive.

Crap. It's hard to turn it around. To make myself drop it. Stop thinking about things I can't control. Move forward. Be happy.

Right now...I'm not. I can't get happy. I can't want to do good work. I'm annoyed and frustrated because I can't make it better. I can't make it better because there's nothing to make better. So it is what it is, and I am what I am.

Annoyed.
Crabby.
Frustrated.
Disappointed.

Listen to the music

Now, I have to admit. Until last year, I had never seen Dave Matthews Band live. I know. I know. Where have I been? But of course the show did not disappoint. The second most entertaining thing (trailing quite a ways behind the hottie Dave himself) was the variety of people who came out. And let me tell you, there were some interesting folks out in full force.

As I sit in my office at work almost a full year later one girl still stands out in my mind. The dave song playing in my headphones reminds me of her. She definetly deserves a shout out.

We'll call her Dancing Girl. I fully understand that it isn't polite to stare, and I would have gladly ignored her had she not been dancing RIGHT in front of me. I almost got hit by a flailing arm a time or two. She was all over the place.

Now, Dancing Girl did just that. She danced her little tail feathers off all night, to every song, start to finish. It was like seeing Dave was a religious experience for her. Every song spoke to her. She was a woman possessed by the rhythm and soul of Dave. She was the living-breathing model of "dance like no one is watching."

She make me wonder. Why we can't all let go like that? (Obviously, not to the point where we threaten to injury those around us, but you know what I mean.) Why can't we all just throw our arms above our head and wiggle our little b-hinds to the beat of our own music? What's holding us back from having our own little quasi-religious, freeing moment?

Personally, I think its fear. It's fear of losing control, fear of failing, fear of not being accepted, fear of ridicule. Everyone has fear, but at what point do we grow out of being fearful and become strong. At what point do we stand up for what we believe in and who we are and just....DANCE?

Little do we know the strength to shake your groove thang is within reach. All we have to do is lean over, grab the dial and turn up the music. Because friend, it's time to dance.

Why we can't just let it be

I was talking to my mom this morning, and she brought up something I haven't thought about in a long, long time. This blog is inspired by her. Thanks, Mom! See you Friday!

Have you ever believed something so much, with all your heart, that to you it seems obvious. The only way. Of course you have. Everyone has. And facing someone who doesn't agree with you is so frustrating. All you want to do is shake them and scream in their face that they are wrong - so horribly wrong.

But for some reason they just don't see it. They can't. They're either in too deep, too stubborn or they simply believe that you are wrong and they are right.

The more you push, the more they dig their heels in. They more you try to reason, the more they hunker down determined to prove you and your silly opinion wrong. All you can think is "How can you be so dumb? Can't you see it's wrong? It's all wrong for you!"

The answer is no. They can't see it.

If it's wrong - if it's really wrong for them - they will figure it out. They will learn and grow and maybe one day they will see it the way you see it. Only then will they believe you and appreciate your wisdom. But the hardest part is letting them realize it on their own. When you back someone into a corner, defenses go up and right or wrong they will defend themselves and their decisions to a fault. Their mission to prove you wrong becomes more important than anything else in the world.

No one wants to be wrong. No one wants to admit they made a mistake.

I imagine (I can only imagine) that this is the hardest thing to do as a parent. Watching your child do something that you don't agree with. You want nothing more than to protect them from the inevitable. You want to give them all the answers. It's hard to step back and let them - knowing full well that it's wrong.

I guess as a parent you grow along with your child. You can't understand these things. You can't prepare yourself for them. All you can do it learn from them. And this thing - it won't last forever. It will pass. Then they will understand that you were right and whatever it was...it was wrong.

But you learn and you grow. And you take what you learn and keep living life.

Sometimes my friend

Sometimes you need a friend who doesn't talk. Who just listens and understands. Who doesn't judge or solve. Who just lets you be whatever it is you need to be at that moment.

Sometimes you need a friend who says stop, look, feel. Someone who brings everything back to even. Who doesn't let you be too high or too low. Who reminds you it's ok to just be you because thats who you are.

Sometimes you need a friend who is loud. Who drowns out the noise. Makes you forget the bad. Who helps direct your attention to the world, instead of to your own thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes you need a friend who sees the good no matter how bad. Who finds joy in life regardless of the pain they have personally experienced. Who has a heart of gold and makes you a better person just by being around them.

But through all these times where we need our friends to be these "things" for us, remember that BEING a friend walks hand in hand with NEEDING a friend. It's not a free privilege. But restotution is easy to solve. The price of a friendship is just that, a friendship. A piece of your heart, a moment of your time, a good thought and a smile.

I strive to be as good a friend as my friends have been to me.

The great ker-pow

It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced some form of a great KER-POW, but it's real. Promise.

A great KER-POW is magic. As insane as it may sound, as ridiculous as it may feel, as utterly ungraspable as it may be, the KER-POW is the physical manifestation of something that is truly meant to be. And not in the "this is good enough for right now" way. It happens in the "wake up stupid, because I'm IT" way. And when it happens, it knocks you on your butt.

It's a boom. A connection that's immediate, unexplainable, yet equally undeniable. It's faith and trust without reason. It's knowing there's the same amount of faith and trust radiating back to you. You look forward to tomorrow and next week and next year because (as insane as it sounds) you know that those days will come and be as wonderful as the moment in front of you. Why? I don't know. You just do. If you can find the words to explain it, you haven't truly felt a great KER-POW. It's a feeling of being "without end." It's incomprehensible. And yes, it is crazy.

A great KER-POW produces hidden energy and breathes life into everything around you. It's like being smacked awake or being splashed in the face with ice-cold water. Everything is crisp. Alive. A feeling that makes you feel like exploding.

Overload. Everyday. The good kind.

A great KER-POW doesn't happen often. Why? We’re fearful little creatures motivated by the fear of being alone or making a mistake. It holds people captive and engaged in relationships that aren't good enough. We desperately hold ourselves there. We won't even let ourselves step back long enough to realize what's in front of us isn't a KER-POW. It isn't even a pop. It might even be less potent than a wet sparkler. It's dull - lifeless - suffocating.

Hold out for the great KER-POW. It's worth it.

UPDATE: I've now officially seen it happen to the biggest skeptic. She just got knocked on her butt, and we can't get that goofy grin to go away. Please advise.

A moment of your time

We are a world of jugglers, schedulers and day planners. We jam so much crap into a week, that in the end, we aren't even sure what we did with our week. Before you know it, it's August. The summer is almost gone, and we've spent the last three months moving from event to event to obligation without even thinking about it.

It's scary how fast life can pass even if you swear you're living every minute of it. Even me, in my fleeting 24 years of experience, I look back and wonder what the heck I've been doing all this time. And there's life, just blowing by.

We spend so much time getting ahead and getting by that we don't spend nearly enough time just being... being happy, being sad, being surprised, being frustrated. Sorry sir...no time. I have work and happy hour and dinner and the gym and paying bills and running errands and back home to work some more and sleep...just in time to get up and do it all over again tomorrow.

It's hard to believe that it's already March. We've started thinking about Christmas card ideas at work. Didn't we just get done with Christmas? I guess that was 3 months ago. Shit...where does time go? Pretty soon well be seeing Christmas decorations up in the mall. That'll be a sad, sad day. (Granted...it'll probably only be August. I mean seriously, they hardly have 4th of July decorations up before they rip them down to put up the Christmas decorations. Stupid marketers!)

The hardest thing to do is live in the moment, for the moment. But try. Experience the moment as it comes. Remember it. Feel it. Live it. Don't just schedule it and walk through it. It's a moment you can't get back or do over. It's a moment that will never be duplicated. And then, in that same moment, it'll be gone.

On the brain syndrome

It's a reality that everyone faces daily. It's supported and encouraged by all sorts of external factors and powers. It's been measured, weighed and found under no uncertain terms to significantly impact our everyday existence. It is, in fact, on-the-brain syndrome.

Now, you can't tell me that you are perfectly capable of maintaining complete and total focus every second of everyday. There's no way. (That's right...I'm calling you a liar.) Because, there are things that, at one point or another, are more important than, oh...let's say...work. And it is absolutely physically impossible get your mind to think about something else...ANYTHING ELSE.

It can either be the most overwhelming, incredible feeling that leaves you briming with energy and joy, or it can literally turn you into a pile of worthless nothingness. In my experience, it's usually the latter. Because nothing that overpowering can actually improve productivity. Let's be honest. If you're thinking about something THAT much...you aren't capable of doing much else.

Unfortunately, there is no hard or fast solution. You're just stuck, thinking. Not doing anything really. Just thinking. Until, well... you just can't think about it anymore. Or until you've convinced yourself that thinking about has gotten you absolutely nowhere.

Brains should really come with off switches. Maybe then I and everyone else with on-the-brain syndrome can get back to work.

Evolution vs. Extinction: How Advertising Agencies Survive

What I would have written about advertising...

1997. The final days of the golden age of advertising. A time when advertising agencies were at their peak. Confidence in advertising was high, and companies were spending a lot of money to ensure their company/product/service was represented. Advertising agencies focused on ads. Of course they did. They were advertising agencies. It’s what they were expected to do. And they did it well. But like all golden eras, things changed. And times like that faded away.

By traditional definitions, very few advertising agencies still exist. For an advertising agency in 2007, evolution is the key to survival. It’s no longer feasible to simply produce ads. Fourteen-year-old kids sitting at home on their computers can do that. Targeting an audience through mass messaging is not effective. Consumers are smarter and increasingly more bored with traditional communication. Consumers also posses a great deal of power. The Internet has opened the door to immediate AND direct consumer feedback making consumer insight and reaction (good and, more importantly, bad) instantly available.

The agency that uses this readily accessible consumer insight to identify what a consumer WANTS will be successful. THAT is what a client needs to achieve awareness – open consumer dialogue – not mass, directionless communication.

Defensive, reactive advertising is not enough. The more this information is used to better understand your consumer, the more offensive or proactive the message can become. Address the need before a consumer even knows they have it. Integrate your brand into their lives and align with their needs to establish and solidify relevance in their lives. A client’s solution lies in an agency’s ability to do this.

At Schupp Company, we still call ourselves an advertising agency. We’re proud to. It’s our definition of advertising that continuously evolves. Because as we learn more about what each consumer wants, the more we can help our clients better understand what they need to do to keep them.

Driving with the spare on

Last night I had a dream that I had been driving around for weeks with my spare tire on my car. I'm not sure what prompted me to realized this. I guess it eventually went flat and the original tire was put on again much to my disliking. I was pissed for some reason. I didn't want that tire on my car. Werid. It was a dream. What do you expect?

Anyway, it got me thinking (shocker. I know). How many times in life do we save special things for special time? Do we sometimes live life driving around on a spare tire while there's a perfectly good, new tire collecting dust in the truck?

I know that I save things for special occasions. But how many special candles have melted without being burnt or special outfits been ruined by mothballs without being worn? Why do the coffee cups and saucers sit in the cabinet or fine china sit bubble wrapped and stored away waiting for company? What defines special? What are we waiting for?

It's hard to imagine having no tomorrow. It's hard to think that you might not get another chance or have another day to use these specially reserved things. But while you're waiting for an “important enough” occasion to come around, the joy of everyday life passes as well. One hundred small moments might not equal the importance and impact of a single solitary momentous occasion, but even one small moment a day can make that day better.

Because in the end, china is just a plate and holly-shaped leaf candles are just wax. Replaceable. Material. Unimportant. What is important is treating each moment, though small, as a chance to be grateful. As a chance to celebrate.

Standards v. Expectations: The cage match

In this corner, weighing in as the socially acceptable level of satisfaction, enjoyment, expectation and status quo, the most basic of basics, Standards.

And in this corner, tipping the scale at a robust level of higher expectancy, opinion and unwavering measure of personal gratification, never to be compromised, Expectations.

Indeed, the difference between standards and expectations lies solely within who decides what the acceptable level of each is. One is society/group/friend/family driven. The other is all you. But what really is the perception of people who set expectations above the standard?

The thing about expectations is that everyone has their own. Some people have expectations much lower than what the standards are in particular situations, relationships, work environments, etc. than others. They don't mind. They probably don't even know that it's different. Other people have superior expectations that far and away exceed any sort of standard currently on the market. It's just the way they are. They expect more.

The question is...Do we look at those people and think they are selfish? And when it comes to relationships in general, do high standards preclude you from finding true happiness?

I guess my answer is no. It doesn't. The catch is having expectations that are really the root to your happiness. Will achieving whatever you set your expectations to be really going to make you a happier person? Setting unrealistic expectations without the foggiest if they'll actually make you happy is counterproductive. That leads to a whole lot of crabby people with amazingly unattainable and unsubstantiated expectations sitting around wondering why they are always unhappy.

Oh...and another thing. Having expectations that are higher than those around you doesn't make you any more high maintenance. It's just as hard to please someone with low to no expectations, as it is to please those with really high expectations. At least with the "high" people, you know what you're up against. There is a point when you can care too little. And let's be honest, people who don't care at all are annoying.

Ding. Ding. Ding.
THE WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: EXPECTATIONS.
Have them. Live them. Always try to exceed them.

Survival of the fittest

I've often heard my father say (usually after he hears of someone doing something incredibly stupid) that there shouldn't be so many rules in this world. If you're too stupid to figure out that you're not supposed to, oh say, drink immediately from your smoldering cup of McDonald's coffee, you deserve to get burned. NOT sue for a million dollars.

Who are we making this world safer for? People who think it’s ok to set the cruise on their Winnebago and then walk to the back and take a nap. Why are we constantly trying to protect non-bright people from themselves?

Back in the day of cavemen, you either learned to run away from the velociraptor, or you got eaten. Your pick. Choose wisely. Adapt or become an appetizer. I realize that cavemen may or may not have been around while dinosaurs roamed the earth but you understand where I'm going with this.

The moral of the story is that our world doesn't force people to adapt – to become smarter. We dumb things down. We default to the lowest common denominator. We rationalize this move by thinking if we service the lowest man on the totem pole; you hit everyone else on the way. The real result? Lots of bored people and one guy that still barely gets it. Well, bravo. Now what did that accomplish?

The hard part is if we don’t take the dumb people into consideration and take steps to protect ourselves FROM them, they are the ones who get third degree burns on their tongue and sue your company for a billion dollars.

“What? They didn’t tell me the coffee was going to be hot?”

The signs are everywhere. I saw one this morning. It said, "The contents in this cup may be hot."

What stupid people will do for free shit

It is amazing to me how completely out of control some people get when they know something is free. It could be the most worthless crap on the planet, but if it's free, they can't get enough of it. Opening day at the new Busch stadium brought out the scavengers in full force. Now, I'm completely cool with the average souvenir seeker. But SERIOUSLY, some people need to be sedated.

It almost became perilous to my person to be anywhere near the "giveaway section" of the bar we were at. While sitting at a picnic table, we were stepped on, practically tackled and nearly smashed by some old drunk guy who insisted on standing on the bench behind us. (Apparently, the higher you are above everyone else, the better chance you have to swan dive on top of someone and swipe their swag.) Which is exactly what he was doing when he showered us with half his beer. Every time he made a psychotic grab for some other priceless piece of paraphernalia we got a bud lite shower.

One woman, chasing mindlessly after some sort of flag, actually tried to climb UNDERNEATH our picnic table. She literally threw herself at the bench and started clawing madly for it. Easy killer. It's a flag. Not the last life saving serum left on the planet. Obviously, she was serious about wanting it. We knew just how serious when she screamed at us in her drunken blur "You guys don't even know what it is!" Right, which totally disqualifies us from any sort of freebie. Good call on that one.

Ok, seriously people. How many XL t-shirts do you really need? Do you have to have every single coozie ever made? What are you really going to do with it? Frame it? Create some sort of opening day collage? Scrapbook with it perhaps? Is that any reason to turn into some sort of carnivorous crap collector? I realize you think these are priceless artifacts but lets be honest. You'll be using that t-shirt to turtle wax your car in two months.

All I'm saying is risking life or limb for a blowup, noise-making balloon stick, in the end, it's really not worth it.

originally posted April 11, 2006 on myspace.

Spit it out

More often than not, we dont say what we really want to say. How many times have you tried to tell someone something and stopped because you couldn't find the right words? I find people are constantly struggle to find the "right" words, the "perfect" words, the ideal, thought-out way to say EXACTLY what they're thinking.

The right words according to whom? Who is this person, and why do we think they are constantly judging us? I'm not sure, but it seems as though somewhere there's a universal measure of words and thoughts. Anything that even approaches the extreme limits of what is considered ordinary is quickly dismissed as misplaced thoughts and useless ramblings. They are then categorized as no good to anyone.

And the result?

We end up saying nothing at all.

Now, in my opinion saying something, even if it isn't the perfect something, is better than saying nothing. You have far more to lose by keeping your mouth shut. Think of all the unsaid meaning, insights to your emotions and valuable "connecting time" you are missing out on. Why? Because you couldn't think of the right freaking word?

They are just words. And what you have to say is important. (Stop trying to tell yourself it's not. We should be past that already.) So, why ax the first draft before it even has a chance of being heard.

Ahh. The first draft. The initial reaction and feeling. They are words that come from your gut and your heart, unedited by your stupid mind that can suck meaning right out of thought. The first draft of any thought or feeling contains a lot of valuable, rawness that sometimes goes away when you over think what you're trying to say. It is possible to think too much. Coming from a girl who thinks way too much, I would know. The hardest thing to do is be willing to just let it fly, first time, no regrets.

And if they love you, if they care about you at all, they will appreciate what you have to say. They will cherish your insight and more importantly, I bet they'll even "get" what you were trying to say. I shit you not. They'll get it. And if they don't...screw them. At least your tried.

Silence is golden

My roommate was the type of person who could talk your ear off. And she knews it, too. Unfortunately, there was nothing you could do to make her stop talking, but that is why we love her. Because bless her heart, she can't stand awkward silences or any type of silence for that matter at all. And that's her way of dealing with it. To fill it.

But there's something to say about perfectly amicable silence. Silence that is both enjoyed and respected by two people. Silence that happens peacefully and quietly without effort or stress. (Now, don't get me wrong, if its silence because you truly don't have shit to say, you might have a problem.) I believe, in these special cases, the "lack" of conversation can actually tell you more about your connection with another person than first thought.

But, what is it that makes silence with one person OK and silence with another person so mind-numbingly painful you would rather jab a stick in your eye than sit there any longer. I guess it's a level of comfort and understanding. It's the collective belief that it's OK not to talk. It's OK not to ALWAYS have something to say. It's perfectly fine just to BE and enjoy the moment.

Try it. Try not talking. Among the right company, the things that are unsaid can be just as powerful as the things that are. Now, I understand that the concept of "silence is golden", in a way, contradicts previous arguments that we self edit ourselves too much and don't always say what we should say. But in life, there's a time to speak and say what needs to be said, and there's a time to kick back and shut the heck up.

Knowing the difference is the hardest part. Two people knowing the difference at the same time is even harder. So when you find that person...the one you can be quiet with, just sit silently and enjoy what doesn't always have to be said.

Time me

How many times in your life have you heard yourself attribute the "likelihood" of something actually happening to timing? What is that anyway? Timing. It's like we think God is sitting up on a cloud somewhere with an egg timer just messing with us.

Unfortunately, that one little thing can literally obliterate the possibility for something, even anything, to happen. And it can put the kibosh on quite a bit. Or so we think. Besides the obvious – relationships, it could be your career, your family, and hell, even your dentist appointment. But the worst part is...YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT! It is what it is. It's the crossing of stars; it's the aligning of planets. It's the whole Romeo and Juliet of it all. Sometimes it's just plain ole' luck. And you know what I think? I think that sucks. (Does that make me a control freak?)

Well, maybe it does, but seriously, something that is so completely out of your control is infuriating. Lots of people think that "if it was meant to be it will be." "Good things happen to good people," right? So how come good things can't happen at good times? Why does it seem to always happen at the absolute worst time? At a time when it's literally the last thing you can physically handle?

I guess that's why lifes a game, and we're all just a bunch of playas. (Thats right, baby. We're all a little gangster.)

I guess this is more of a rant. (A kind of angry one at that.) Solutions are not foreseen. More rants are appreciated. Silent appreciation for the agony of good vs. bad time is expected.

Food Days

Does this happen at your work...

We use absolutely any excuse to bring food to work. A nice gesture, but I do believe it is single-handily contributing to obesity in America. Somewhere in our brain we think that someone's birthday gives us a free ticket to eat five Krispy Kremes in a single sitting. A retirement party is an open invitation to enjoy guacamole at 9:30 a.m. "Why not?" you think innocently as you cut yourself a chunk of the three layer lemon angel food cake someone's grandma made to celebrate this "very special" occasion. It is, in fact, a "special day." They might as well put grandma on retainer and cut her a check because I just got another meeting notice...Joe's leaving on vacation next week. Everyone needs to bring in a snack to share.

Don't do this while driving

You're driving along the highway usually, flanked on both sides by semi trucks that think the yellow lines are somewhat of a suggestion rather than actual law that protects little cars like mine from being squished.

Then, it hits you.

Your nose starts to twitch. Your eyes start to water just a little bit. Your breath shortens. And then...you sneeze.

The scariest part about sneezing is you are never sure how big a sneeze it will be. Will be just a little squeaky one barely spiking at all on the internal Richter scale, or will be more of full body convulsion similar to a small seizer? In the latter case, what do you do? Take your hands (heaven forbid) off the steering wheel? Or hold on risking the chance of accidentally jerking your car into the cement bridge barrier fast approaching?

I ponder this every time I sneeze in the car. I haven't discovered a successful solution yet. I haven't crashed either. You win some. You lose some I guess.

You know when it's not

One would think that the good things in life would be so much more recognizable and accepted than the bad. If its good, then that's it. It's good. Enjoy it! So why is our first instinct to run away and question it?

Why are good things, I mean really good things, sometimes perceived to be bad?

We've all done it. We've sat down next to a friend, poured our heart out about how great and amazing someone or something is, and then looked them right in the eyes and said "It's sooo bad."

Honestly? What could possibly be so bad about some thing that made you feel so great?

I think people (me included) have a hard time accepting happiness. For some reason, we can't see the good as just being good. It's like we have convinced ourselves we don't deserve it.

We have no problem identifying why it could be potentially wrong. We have all sorts of excuses. "It's bad timing. It's too much. Nothing like this can really last, so why get wrapped up in it. There's GOT to be something wrong with him." Now, seriously, what in the world is wrong with us?

Personally, I think we believe that if we aren't in turmoil there's something wrong. Letting yourself be happy is just as hard as being unhappy. Because when you're unhappy, you're working toward making something better. When you're happy, there's nothing to work toward. The journey is already complete. You're at your final destination, and I think part of you just can't believe you ACTUALLY got there.

I guess in such an overachieving society, where everyone is constantly trying to be bigger, better and more successful than the next person, learning to be happy with what you have might be a stretch. But just think. We could all be much more happy if we just accepted that good things do happen. That maybe they are good for no reason at all except they're just good. And, it's also possible they really won't get much better than that. So what the heck are we running away from?

You're not the boss of me

If I wanted one more person to tell me what to do, I'd get another job. Truth is, I don't need another person telling me what to do. So why do so many people stay in relationships with people who are constantly dictating their lives? Seriously, you are old enough to be your own boss.

Sadly, most relationships are really just one person trying to gain a sense of control over another person. We're form fitting people into our ideal mold ignoring the fact that most people simply don't work that way.