Bottler

Sometimes the littlest things make me crabby. At least I thought. Turns out upon further review, it isn't actually that one thing at that one particular moment that REALLY made me crabby. My crabbiness actually stems from something that happened weeks ago - in some instances months ago.

I'm a bottler. I keep things in. Make them "OK" instead of getting them out in the open. Words don't come easily. I clam up. I ignore it. I make it "go away."

(I know. All highly effective ways of dealing with personal issues.)

I sit, looking calm and collect on the outside, whilst on the inside the pressure builds. Like a bottle of expensive champagne moments from blowing it's cork sky high. Pity on the poor soul who gets hosed when I finally blow.

I try very hard not to be a willing participant. I try to keep the bubbles in check. I try to let out enough air to keep the bubbly liquid inside...well harmlessly bubbly.

We're all bottlers in a way. We keep things inside. We hold our tongue. We find ourselves holding back.

So why then are there times when I can't close my mouth fast enough.

Most normal people can keep their mind in check. They manage their thoughts, sharing what's appropriate and holding back what's not.

Sounds so simple!
Touche! I think my meter is busted. Because I'm "THAT GIRL" who blurts out the absolute wrong thing at the worst time. At the times when I desperately need to be a bottler, I can't quite get the filter up fast enough. Maybe I was built backwards or inside out. The things that are suppose to stay in, fly out. The things that I should share, never quit make it to the surface unless forced.

It's a work in progress.