Believe

Sometimes all we can ask for is to believe.

If we stop believing, no matter what it is, then does it really matter? Does it really mean anything?

If we don't believe in each other, then we might as well all just live alone. If we don't believe in what we're doing, then we might as well stop doing it.

Belief makes us human. It gives us purpose. Everything we believe in is part of who we are. Whether it be religion, reason, love, hope – all the things you put weight in craft your outlook. They form your perspective.

It's that time of year when everyone talks believing in things both real and fictional. Santa Claus, elves, reindeer, even baby Jesus. So it stands to reason that we should reflect on what we truly believe in. Whatever it is – believe the heck out of it.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

We're only human

I've wondered a number of times in my life how I got to where I am. What had to happen to get me here? We all go through it and what I've concluded is we're all connected. We effect the future of those around us, and like it or not, it's not always in a positive way.

What we can remind ourselves is that every interaction is an opportunity to do something good. No. It's not always possible. But more times than not, being a shit head to someone for no reason can be controlled. It's the random acts of kindness that could be the difference in a stranger's life. Easy enough, right?

Don't be a shit head for no good reason.

Our personal lives are a different story. Family, dear friends, coworkers – we're stuck with these people. You can't get away. Sure, you can walk away when you're in a bad mood, or turn a deaf ear when they start to crab at you – but before how much damage is already done? It's these people we need to be the most sensitive to.

It's give and take. You're right. You can't be in a good mood all the time. What I'm saying is, it's possible not to take your bad mood out on the people around you. It's possible not to bring them down with you. It's possible to take their love and support without heaping your grief and sorrow upon them.

At the end of the day, all we have is each other. And maybe. Just maybe. We're all closer than we think.

"We have all been hurt, and we have all cried. Each one of us knows how it feels to love someone dearly. No matter what our political views are, we all love to laugh. Regardless of how much or how little money we have, our hearts pump blood through our bodies in the same way. With all this in common, it is clear we are each individual members of the same family. We are human."

Deep shit...I know. Don't you just love it?

Happy Thursday!

Fear and forgive

"A leap can be exceedingly difficult for individuals with control issues because the act of embracing uncertainty requires them to trust that surrender will net them the rewards they seek."

How many times do you stop yourself from doing something you've wanted to do? Why? Because you were scared? You didn't trust in yourself and your decisions? I'm guilty of it. I know we all are guilty in some way. And although you can't change the past and the ease the pain that making the wrong decision inflicts on your heart and soul, you can move forward with the intention of never letting it happen again.

Fear can be a debilitating feeling. At least that's how many of us are programed to respond to it. We fear all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. It's fear that holds us in place and stagnates our ability to grow as people. It's fear that keeps us from making decisions that are scary or abnormal. It's fear that prevents us from following our heart and instincts. It's fear that tells us no and plants doubt in the exact place where you desperately go seeking reassurance.

So, where does that leave us? Besides drowning is a sea of uncertainty and regret?

Everyday is an opportunity to move forward. It's an chance to change and grow stronger. It's also a chance to learn how to forgive yourself. If you can't forgive yourself, then who will? If you can't learn to forgive yourself, your past will eat you alive and the fear will never leave.

Instead of reflecting on this post as a total debbie downer, maybe look at it as a little nudge. Maybe look at it as inspiration to overcome your fear and do something about it. Even a little risk can reap big rewards.

Cherish time

The other day I was trying to figure out how to schedule the next couple months of our life. It's hard to divide the days equally. It's hard to do everything you want to do when you want to do it. But what I have realized is that days mean nothing. Time means everything.

It shouldn't matter what day you see a person. What matters, what really matters, is the time you spend with them. Maybe it's only a short lunch or a quick coffee, but if that's all you can do then why not make it time well spent? Cherish it. Enjoy it.

Memories can be incredible no matter what day they happen. Usually, it's the unexpected days that turn into the best. It becomes this beautiful memory you weren't even trying to make.

Concentrate on giving time to someone you love. Even if it's a little bit at a time. It shouldn't matter when it happens. What should matter is what you do with that time. So do something with it already.

True that

"What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things, instead of using people and loving things."

written or spoken by someone, no doubt, very wise. Sadly, most people will never learn this lesson.

Friday

I woke up this morning at 6:15. What? I got up. Ate breakfast. Got to work on time. I felt rested. I was relaxed. I was ready to take on the day for one reason and one reason only...it was Friday.

Everything is easier on Fridays. It's like the last 100 meters of a race. No matter how tired you were with 150 meters left, somehow, somewhere you find the energy to sprint to the finish line. (And then you die, but that's not important.) Right now, what's important is that it's Friday.

And it's pay day!!! Bonus. (Well, no. No actual bonus. Just the same paycheck I get on the 15th and the last day of every month. Do bonuses even exist anymore?)

I think Friday is like a drug. It makes everything seem ok. It makes everything seem possible. Maybe it's the fact that tomorrow I get a rest. Friday - sure, I'll put in my time. Do my work. Get done what needs getting done. Tomorrow? I'm the boss. And being the boss is sweet!

Happy Friday! What are you doing to celebrate?

Oreos

I've noticed that the ads that appear on my page try to tailor themselves according to the content on my page. I mentioned the word cancer and greeting cards a couple of posts ago and all of a sudden I think my blog thinks I'm dying. So in an effort to have some more relevant and happy ads pop up on my page, I thought I would use this blog to pepper in some more interesting words like – Eiffel Tower, Venice, Italy, the W Hotel. Can you tell where my mind is?

I get in these moods sometimes where I just want to get away. I want to move. I want something new. I want something different. Although, I love stability and the comfort that it brings me, part of me always wants to be going or doing something else. Strangely enough, the other half of me sometimes wants to stay at home and read a book beginning to end without stopping to eat or sleep, or watch 5 girlie movies in a row. I'm sort of a freak like that (hmmmm...I wonder what sort of ad that will make pop up on my page?) It doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I'm not sure what it means. I've always sort of been that way, and I will probably always be that way.

So until I get over this overwhelming feeling to get in my car and drive somewhere (that happens every once in a while too). I'll just keep throwing words out there like Upstream Brewery (it's in Omaha and it's a great little place), KENO, Las Vegas....take that adsense.

I've got an opinion, too

Gus is obviously disgusted with the whole thing.

Just because I work at an advertising agency shouldn't mean my opinion doesn't matter. I'm not tainted goods. I'm not part of this estranged society that is incapable of presenting a rational and honest opinion. I can be unbias. I can be a nuetral third party participant. I shop at Target just like everyone else, damnit.

What? If you work in advertising you have some sort of special skill or insight that doesn't make me a consumer like everyone else? Does everyone else who works in advertising shop at a special advertising only store? Can someone send me the location. I'm out of deodorant.

Maybe it's the words like strategy, objective or creative magnifier that disqualify me. For the record, I don't even like those words.

"Where is all this coming?" from you ask. Occasionally, I get these emails from a research/focus group company in St. Louis. I finally qualified for one. Usually they are rather obscure and incredible specific (like you just gave birth to a baby no more than 6 weeks ago by c-section and they are allergic to soy). Whatever. This one was about dog food. I have a dog! He eats this certain food! Jackpot!

I filled out the survey. Got on the phone for a screening and was cut after the first question because I work for an advertising agency that has nothing to do with the subject matter in question. This wasn't even about me. It was about my dog. I'm pretty sure he hasn't be corrupted by my evil advertising powers. Still, no dice.

FINE! See if I care. Gus and I will go share our opinions with someone who actually cares. I'm not sure who that is, but I'm sure they're someone out there who appreciates why I chose Science Diet over Iam.

Now

I want to say what I feel when I'm feeling it. I want to feel what I say when I'm saying it.
"Before the Sun Goes Down" Phillip LaRue

But, sometimes you shouldn't. Knowing the difference is the key. God knows I don't have the answer.

Shocking

Today at work, Gus decided it would be fun to chew on my space heater cord shocking himself thusly. I guess that'll teach him.

But isn't that how most people learn? We don't believe that something will hurt us until we feel the pain for ourselves. We don't believe that someone else might be right until we're feeling the effects of our bad decision.

It's almost like we've lost faith in other people. We've lost faith that someone might know better than we do or have more experience than we do. Or maybe we're just too damn stubborn and set in our ways to think that someone else might be right.

I'm going to go with the latter. We're a generation of do'ers. I will speak for myself and say, I'm headstrong and I "know" everything. At least I think I do, and it literally takes all my energy to shut my stupid mouth sometimes. I want to be right. I want to know everything.

The beauty is, is that I don't have to know everything. No expects to me have all the answers. What they do expect is for me to shut up and listen and learn. Because you can't learn if you're talking. And you're not listening if you're always trying to prove you're right. If you can do that a little bit everyday...learn something, that is...then eventually you'll be the one that everyone is listening to.

It was hard to learn that charging ahead, doing things my way, was like biting into a electrical cord. But that quick shock of failure is always enough to snap me back to reality. Live and learn.

And Gus...stop chewing on damn cords. Please.

Awkward or Authored

So I'm a writer (note: I didn't say editor. We'll go into the difference later). Words have come pretty easily to me my whole life. I admit that I take it for granted. I do. Lately I have realized it is a gift that not all people have. Granted, I don't ALWAYS know what to say or how to say it but usually, given some thought I can come up with something worthwhile.

Not everyone can do this. Which is why the angry dude on the Today Show this morning pissed me off. Apparently, Hallmark has come out with a new line of cards that address very specific and somewhat tragic situations (i.e. cancer, miscarriages, divorce, etc.). Angry dude got snippy on this poor woman from Hallmark who supported the cards. In her eyes, they gave people, who didn't know what to say, an avenue to express their sympathy and care.

Captain sunshine rallied back saying that if you can't come up with the words yourself, then awkward and broken sentiments are better than a canned card from a stranger.

Now we're not debating whether the cards are appropriate or not. But even as a writer, Hallmark has saved my ass a time or two. We've all experienced how exhausting it is to sit down and stare at a blank card. You feel like you'll be there for days because the right words will never come.

I mean, those card writers are some deep folks. (I've always secretly wanted to be one.) They've got some good, valuable, appropriate and insightful things to say. And sure, they might not be talking about your situation specifically, but their vague sentiments are usually enough to get the juices of our own creativeness flowing.

No one ever questions the president for having a speech writer or a PR twisted celebrity who says the absolutely right thing at the absolutely right time because he's been coached. "Canned" cards are the poor mans version of having a snappy, quirky and/or insanely sentimental writer on retainer. Canned doesn't mean it isn't meaningful. You are taking the time to buy the damn card...aren't you?

I would rather have a lovely "canned" card from Hallmark, than an ill conceived awkward salutation that's going to make both of us (giver and receiver) uncomfortable. (Unless that's your thing. Then I, of course, would applaud the effort.) Not everyone has the words to express what they're thinking or feeling. Sometimes a little bit of professional help at the bargin price of $3.75 is just what the doctor ordered.

I got nothing

I feel like a ton of things are going on in my life right now. It's overwhelming to keep track of at times so yesterday I started making lists. I think I made 10. I had a list for just about everything a list could and should be made for. I felt better after my giant data dump of information. I felt like all those things I was trying to juggle in my head were out, and I stopped stressing trying to remember them all at once.

I heard some where that Albert Einstein didn't know his home phone number. When someone would ask what his number was, he would tell them to go look in the phone book. That's what a phone book was made for. He said he didn't want to waste valuable space on something so trivial. I guess that whole theory of relativity thing was taking up a little bit of space.

When I sat down to write my next entry I really has nothing to say. And I'm pretty sure it's because all my brain power was being monopolized by things like oil changes, dry cleaning and who I needed to buy a wedding present for next. I realized there were all just things – important things – but not worth the brain power it was taking to remember them. So I put them out of my head and put them on a list.

Hopefully, I've dumped enough meaningless data out of my head to think about something a little more worthwhile. Not that the number of vacation days I have left isn't worthwhile. But I'm positive I can use that space for something more valuable.

Spring is a time to clean out the old. Freshen your life. Dust the cobwebs. Organize and revitalize. Don't forget your brain. It might just need good spring cleaning, too.

Forgive

When we're young, we don't always understand how things work. Correction...we absolutely don't understand how things work. We don't understand anything. About life. About love. About who we are. About what is right. I'm not completely sure many adults fully understand how things work.

But I have found the older I get, the more I learn and the more I understand. The more important the little things become and more irrelevant the big showy things really feel.

That being said, everyone around you is going through the same thing. They understand just as much about themselves and how things work. How their heart works. How the things they say effect you. It isn't until you have even a tiny bit of understanding that you can finally come to terms with the wrong, or rights, that have been done to you by others.

Once you're there, though, a world of possibility opens up. You can stop wondering what was the REAL meaning behind his horrible words. You can stop caring why they acted selfishly. You can stop blaming yourself for the tragic ending who's pain lingers far beyond the actual memory. All of these actions are rooted in forgiveness.

Good thing we're so smart now. Good thing we have so much more knowledge than we did then. Because now we know it all...right?

Voices

We all hear voices. Whether we chose to listen to them or not. They're there. Call it your subconscious. Call it intuition. Call it delusion. Whatever you chose to call it, we all have that voice.

Mine is usually the voice of reason desperately trying to guide me in the right decision, down the right path. It's usually wiser and more rationale than I am at the moment. It's also way more realistic than I would ever like to admit.

Of course, we don't ask it for its opinion. Sometimes we don't even want to admit we hear it and all its sensible reason. But we do. The harder you try to turn the volume down, the louder it yells.

Most of the time, its got a point. Its pushing to the forefront all the important things you are overlooking or not thinking about (purposely or not). It wants what's best for you. So why...does it suck to listen to it sometimes?

Because it wants you to be the person you are on the inside. The person it sees everyday. The person we are guilty of sometimes hiding. The person that always makes the right decision, who is good to herself and those around her. The person who never is jealous or frustrated or selfish.

That stupid voice is our reminder we can all be better than we are. It's a voice that believes in us no matter what. It's exhausting in its support.

So I say, stop being so damn stubborn. Listen to the voice. Its got things to say. Notice I didn't say its got nothing but good things to say. I don't always like what my little voice has to say but I admit, most of the time, it's right. And usually the outcome is right too. Blasted little voice. You're always right!

Note: I don't really hear voices, per say. At least not in that "I see dead people" kind of way.

Comfort

When I was little, I used to push the chairs of the dining room table out and lay underneath the table with all the chairs surrounding me. I say little, but I'm positive there were days I could come home from high school and do the very same thing. I would lay there on the floor, close my eyes and just breath. I have no idea why that was so attractive to me. Usually I would do that when I felt heavy and overwhelmed. It was my way of comforting myself. It was my way of getting back to even.

I thought about this last week, when I was having a heavy week. I guess I thought, at my age I didn't need that kind of comfort. I guess I thought I was tough and could handle whatever the world chucked at me without ever taking a step back. Maybe I forgot how relaxing it was to lay under a table. I was wrong.

Eventually, everyone learns how to comfort themselves. It usually happens when we are very small. We find a way to make ourselves feel comforted and safe. Eventually a crying baby will calm itself down. Eventually a whining puppy will curl up and fall asleep. (Even though I know it makes you feel like a horrible person waiting for them to do it.) Every creature eventually does what it needs to do to find serenity.

Our lives are so busy that we forget we need to take care of ourselves. We need to push the chairs away from the dining room table and escape to our fort for a few minutes. We need to remember to breath. We need to remember to stop. We need to remember that while we're rushing around living, resting is apart of life.

Find a comfortable spot and make it yours. Visit it often. Or, take my advice and crawl under the nearest dining room table. You're just going to have to trust me on this one.

This is Gus. He prefers under the desk.

Damned if you do

You just can't please some people. There are people in this world that no matter what you do, they will poke and prod and tease you. Do too much? You're a overachieving brown-noser who is desperate to impress your boss. Do nothing? You're lazy, and you don't care.

Seriously!

People who constantly pick are just insecure with themselves. It makes them feel better to joke and tease at the expense of others no matter what they do – good or bad.

Sadly, those people are all around us. Either they are unhappy with their own life and this is their way of elevating themselves above those around them, or they think they're funny and they're not. Either way, they are not worth your time.

You can't fix unhappy. You can't make someone realize how unfunny they really are. All you can do is ignore them. Refuse to let their snide remarks bother you and move on. They might feel time well spent involves calling someone out and embarrassing them in front of other people. I just think it's childish.

For the record, I am not in anyway above a gentle tease here and there. There is a time and a place for everything, but some people just don't know when to quit. It's those people I don't have time for. No one should.

Musings

If you start thinking about your purpose too much, you start to think, maybe I don't have one. Which is not the case. You just have to figure out what the heck it is.

Sometimes I wonder why I write these things down and post them for the world. My little musings don't really serve a purpose. Or do they? Today I logged on and saw that someone voted and someone commented. And although most people who read my blog don't leave a trace, I like to think that maybe people read it and are touched by it. Or amused by it. Or annoyed by it. But that's something, right?

Maybe that's my purpose – to try to reach out to people. I'm not sure. Maybe our purpose is to keep seeking a purpose. To explore our bodies and minds and souls and figure out what the heck we're good at or bad at.

So when you find those things that you're good at, hold on to them, nurture them and surround yourself with people who support you. And then...keep going. There's always something else to learn and new places to discover it.

Leave no trace?

It's easy not to matter. To let someone else do the talking. To stand aside. To get out of the way.

It's simple to sit quietly. To not raise your hand. To have no opinion either way.

Why care? That takes work. Why work? That takes thought. Why think? That takes energy.

Why contribute to life at all?

You got something better to do?

Walking through a forest is the only time that is acceptable, neh expected, to leave no trace. Not life. Not your life.

No one will remember your money. But they will remember how you spent it.

No one will remember what kind of house you live in. But they will remember how you lived.

No one will remember the long hours you works. But they will remember you missed their birthday.

Leave a mark on the world. Not by making more money or getting more things, but by living and loving. By raising beautiful good children. By changing the lives of people.

Leave your mark on the world by living in the world. Not living for it.

it'll all be ok

The following is a reassuring message to everyone who is stressing out about anything.

It will be OK.

Sometimes I need to be reminded that it's OK. Life – is OK. Today – is OK. Tomorrow – yep! Tomorrow will be OK, too.

Maybe today wasn't great. But tomorrow always brings new opportunity. And so what if today wasn't perfect. Perfection is boring and annoying. If things were perfect, what would we talk about or stress about? What would keep us up late worrying? What would we strive for?

No matter how bad things may seem, I promise...we will all be OK.

So breathe. Soften all the muscles in your face. (Weird, I know. Who knew you could hold so much tension there!)

And repeat after me...I will be OK!

No more

No more posts about disappointing people. I'm not sure where all that came from, but in rereading the last couple post, I vow to not write another one.

It's sort of depressing.

~R

I don't speak the language

I got a puppy on Sunday. His name is Gus. Gus and I don't exactly speak each others language right now.

Outside.

Potty.

No...well I'm pretty sure he gets my drift with that one.

Sit.

Stay.

Even...Gus. (Wait...he looks at me...you're talking to me?)

Oh there is so much growing and learning we have to do. But we'll get there. Eventually, we will get on the same page and I won't feel like such a horrible mom when I put him in his kennel to go to work and he cries like someone is killing him. Because he'll finally figure it out that I always come back for him.

But the point is, we're both growing. He's just growing (like a weed really), but he's also learning. Even after three days, he's getting the hang of the crazy schedule and the routine. And I'm growing too.

No matter how old you get, it's important to keep growing. Whether it's mind or body. No one wants a shrivelly brain that doesn't function on all cylinders.

Meanwhile, Gus and I will continue to master things like stay, don't eat the remote and stay off the couch. I feel like I'm growing already.

YOGA UPDATE: Day 8. It's going well. I'm proud of myself for being so dedicated. Even yoga at home has gone well. My little body definitely feels the effects. It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to something. Maybe that's why I wrote this blog. I feel like this bender has opened up a new part of my brain. It gives me something to think about and work toward. It has given me something to accomplish.

Growing...Pain

When is pain truly pain? Emotions, actions, even words can be considered ouch-worthy. Of course when it hurts, instinct insists we stop whatever is causing the pain. Fight or flight kicks in. Your mind says "that sucked. I don't want to EVER feel that again."

It was too hot, too cold, too hard...wait...too hard? Now is that really pain?

When it's hard, it just means we're not good at it. It's not natural. We haven't accomplished it.

That is good pain. Good pain makes us strong. It puts us in our place. Knocks you down a couple rungs. Brings you back to earth. Gives you something to strive for.

Sometimes getting to a new place in your life causes you pain. Moving into uncharted territory can be hard. No one ever said life was easy. Accomplishing the hard things make life more fulfilling – full of feeling. Sure you can move through life listlessly impartial to the world around you. It may be less painful, but it's also boring. Regardless of your age, you should always strive to have some type of growing pain. No one is ever as big or good or smart as they could be.

My current challenge is a 30 day yoga bender at Southtown Yoga. Talk about hard. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. But also wonderfully fulfilling and incredibly motivating.

If you want to read more about the bender check it out here. It's been 5 days. My body hurts. My head is full of thoughts. And my little heart is filled with pride.