No more posts about disappointing people. I'm not sure where all that came from, but in rereading the last couple post, I vow to not write another one.
It's sort of depressing.
~R
Thursday, January 08, 2009
I don't speak the language
I got a puppy on Sunday. His name is Gus. Gus and I don't exactly speak each others language right now.
Outside.
Potty.
No...well I'm pretty sure he gets my drift with that one.
Sit.
Stay.
Even...Gus. (Wait...he looks at me...you're talking to me?)
Oh there is so much growing and learning we have to do. But we'll get there. Eventually, we will get on the same page and I won't feel like such a horrible mom when I put him in his kennel to go to work and he cries like someone is killing him. Because he'll finally figure it out that I always come back for him.
But the point is, we're both growing. He's just growing (like a weed really), but he's also learning. Even after three days, he's getting the hang of the crazy schedule and the routine. And I'm growing too.
No matter how old you get, it's important to keep growing. Whether it's mind or body. No one wants a shrivelly brain that doesn't function on all cylinders.
Meanwhile, Gus and I will continue to master things like stay, don't eat the remote and stay off the couch. I feel like I'm growing already.
YOGA UPDATE: Day 8. It's going well. I'm proud of myself for being so dedicated. Even yoga at home has gone well. My little body definitely feels the effects. It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to something. Maybe that's why I wrote this blog. I feel like this bender has opened up a new part of my brain. It gives me something to think about and work toward. It has given me something to accomplish.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Growing...Pain
When is pain truly pain? Emotions, actions, even words can be considered ouch-worthy. Of course when it hurts, instinct insists we stop whatever is causing the pain. Fight or flight kicks in. Your mind says "that sucked. I don't want to EVER feel that again."
It was too hot, too cold, too hard...wait...too hard? Now is that really pain?
When it's hard, it just means we're not good at it. It's not natural. We haven't accomplished it.
That is good pain. Good pain makes us strong. It puts us in our place. Knocks you down a couple rungs. Brings you back to earth. Gives you something to strive for.
Sometimes getting to a new place in your life causes you pain. Moving into uncharted territory can be hard. No one ever said life was easy. Accomplishing the hard things make life more fulfilling – full of feeling. Sure you can move through life listlessly impartial to the world around you. It may be less painful, but it's also boring. Regardless of your age, you should always strive to have some type of growing pain. No one is ever as big or good or smart as they could be.
My current challenge is a 30 day yoga bender at Southtown Yoga. Talk about hard. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. But also wonderfully fulfilling and incredibly motivating.
If you want to read more about the bender check it out here. It's been 5 days. My body hurts. My head is full of thoughts. And my little heart is filled with pride.
It was too hot, too cold, too hard...wait...too hard? Now is that really pain?
When it's hard, it just means we're not good at it. It's not natural. We haven't accomplished it.
That is good pain. Good pain makes us strong. It puts us in our place. Knocks you down a couple rungs. Brings you back to earth. Gives you something to strive for.
Sometimes getting to a new place in your life causes you pain. Moving into uncharted territory can be hard. No one ever said life was easy. Accomplishing the hard things make life more fulfilling – full of feeling. Sure you can move through life listlessly impartial to the world around you. It may be less painful, but it's also boring. Regardless of your age, you should always strive to have some type of growing pain. No one is ever as big or good or smart as they could be.
My current challenge is a 30 day yoga bender at Southtown Yoga. Talk about hard. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. But also wonderfully fulfilling and incredibly motivating.
If you want to read more about the bender check it out here. It's been 5 days. My body hurts. My head is full of thoughts. And my little heart is filled with pride.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Disappointing
I think disappointing someone is far worse than pissing someone off or physically causing them pain. Disappointment means they still love you. They just expected more from you. Ouch! (Hurts...doesn't it?)
Whether it's a boss, a lover, a best friend, disappointing someone, especially if you care about what they think of you, hurts. You might as well have punched mom in the face or started her house on fire. Those things she CAN get over. Disappointment lingers on.
Usually there is build up that leads to the disappointment. It all starts with simple anticipation for something – like a gift or a life event or worse, a behavior. Unfortunately, instead of being wowed. Instead of living up to these predetermined expectations. That anticipation is met with a bitter, unsatisfactory end. Then, disappointment moves in.
The harsh reality is you may never get over the disappointment you felt. And on the other hand, you might never get over being the cause of someones disappointment. It's simply a lesson to learn from. A horrible feeling that you live with and try not repeat.
The good news is that if that person you disappointed truly loves you, they will always love you. All of you, even the stupid disappointing parts. You just have to trust in that unreasonable love and believe it is strong, everlasting and even disappointment proof.
Keep that in mind when you open a really lame Christmas present tomorrow. Unless they were trying to give you crap, it's the thought that counts. Plus, being able to return a disappointment should be able to make most disappointing feelings disappear.
Whether it's a boss, a lover, a best friend, disappointing someone, especially if you care about what they think of you, hurts. You might as well have punched mom in the face or started her house on fire. Those things she CAN get over. Disappointment lingers on.
Usually there is build up that leads to the disappointment. It all starts with simple anticipation for something – like a gift or a life event or worse, a behavior. Unfortunately, instead of being wowed. Instead of living up to these predetermined expectations. That anticipation is met with a bitter, unsatisfactory end. Then, disappointment moves in.
The harsh reality is you may never get over the disappointment you felt. And on the other hand, you might never get over being the cause of someones disappointment. It's simply a lesson to learn from. A horrible feeling that you live with and try not repeat.
The good news is that if that person you disappointed truly loves you, they will always love you. All of you, even the stupid disappointing parts. You just have to trust in that unreasonable love and believe it is strong, everlasting and even disappointment proof.
Keep that in mind when you open a really lame Christmas present tomorrow. Unless they were trying to give you crap, it's the thought that counts. Plus, being able to return a disappointment should be able to make most disappointing feelings disappear.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Forget the feeling
I am a forgetful person. I lost my iPod, my keys and my mind all in the same week. The keys were lost completely. My iPod surfaced a month later. I found it behind a table in my office and no, my office is not that big. And my mind? Well, it's status is constantly up for debate. The point is, I forget and loose a lot of things. Including feelings.
Lately, I have made a concerted effort to remember. Feelings in particular.
I got into the show LOST over the last couple of months. In the first episode, Jack (who is oh so yummy) said something along the lines of, "Let the fear in, but only for 5 seconds. Let yourself be afraid. Let yourself feel the fear. Then suck it up and get what you need to get done." In his case it was sew some chicks spin back together.
Intense.
But I think this is applicable to real life. It's good to feel things. If you don't let yourself feel, then what are you really? Not only do humans have the ability to feel things, they also have the ability to share feelings through words, and songs and art... It's what separates man from wild.
Of course, we might consider some feelings better off not felt, like disappointment, but feeling that makes us understand beyond a shadow of a doubt that we never ever want to feel that way again.
Remember to feel and remember what the feeling felt like. It'll make you feel alive.
Lately, I have made a concerted effort to remember. Feelings in particular.
I got into the show LOST over the last couple of months. In the first episode, Jack (who is oh so yummy) said something along the lines of, "Let the fear in, but only for 5 seconds. Let yourself be afraid. Let yourself feel the fear. Then suck it up and get what you need to get done." In his case it was sew some chicks spin back together.
Intense.
But I think this is applicable to real life. It's good to feel things. If you don't let yourself feel, then what are you really? Not only do humans have the ability to feel things, they also have the ability to share feelings through words, and songs and art... It's what separates man from wild.
Of course, we might consider some feelings better off not felt, like disappointment, but feeling that makes us understand beyond a shadow of a doubt that we never ever want to feel that way again.
Remember to feel and remember what the feeling felt like. It'll make you feel alive.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Let go
We hold on very tightly to things we cherish. People, things, pets, feelings. We believe we're protecting them from harm. Mostly, we're making ourselves feel better by keeping them close. We believe that no one can do better by them. We think no one can care for them more. We cling desperately onto them because we think it makes everything better, ignoring the voice inside that says, let go.
When we let go, we feel like we've lost control. We've given up. We believe we've failed or worse, disappointed. But truthfully, the love you used to hold onto that person or thing or feeling, probably was sucking everything good you ever cherished out of it. It's possible that by letting go and stepping back, you can help it grow again. We're not giving up. We're not loosing. We're helping it grow stronger.
The hardest part about letting go is realizing that holding on was wrong. It wasn't doing anyone any good. It was draining the life and love from both parties. What's that quote? Something like "The harder you squeeze a fist full of sand in your palm the faster is will fall from your hand. If you open your palm and let the sand just lay there, it will stay with you forever." Something like that. Sometimes we need to remember to stop squeezing and just open our hand.
When we let go, we feel like we've lost control. We've given up. We believe we've failed or worse, disappointed. But truthfully, the love you used to hold onto that person or thing or feeling, probably was sucking everything good you ever cherished out of it. It's possible that by letting go and stepping back, you can help it grow again. We're not giving up. We're not loosing. We're helping it grow stronger.
The hardest part about letting go is realizing that holding on was wrong. It wasn't doing anyone any good. It was draining the life and love from both parties. What's that quote? Something like "The harder you squeeze a fist full of sand in your palm the faster is will fall from your hand. If you open your palm and let the sand just lay there, it will stay with you forever." Something like that. Sometimes we need to remember to stop squeezing and just open our hand.
Friday, October 10, 2008
The ongoing list of uncompromiseables...
#3: Compassion
To have compassion, a person must step outside of themselves and try to understand where another person is coming from. It's hard. Not everyone can put aside their judgments and preconceived ideas and really try to not only "get" another person, but then have sympathy for them. True compassion is then trying to help make them feel better. Again, it's hard.
Sometimes I feel selfish. I think, why should I care if someone else is hurting? Would they care? Would they try to help me if I was hurting? Usually the answer is yes. Yes they would. Because people are good. And good people care about other people. Although we all go through phases of selfishness and indifference to those around us, inherently we are good.
Compassion is a tough one. It takes work. It's also something you don't acquire one day. But it is something you can eventually arrive at.
To have compassion, a person must step outside of themselves and try to understand where another person is coming from. It's hard. Not everyone can put aside their judgments and preconceived ideas and really try to not only "get" another person, but then have sympathy for them. True compassion is then trying to help make them feel better. Again, it's hard.
Sometimes I feel selfish. I think, why should I care if someone else is hurting? Would they care? Would they try to help me if I was hurting? Usually the answer is yes. Yes they would. Because people are good. And good people care about other people. Although we all go through phases of selfishness and indifference to those around us, inherently we are good.
Compassion is a tough one. It takes work. It's also something you don't acquire one day. But it is something you can eventually arrive at.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Game Five
I played volleyball my entire life. Hence the name of this blog – the postpartum depression of a collegiate athlete. Originally, I wanted to write a book, that being the title. It summed up perfectly how I felt when I started writing on here. Depressed. Being an athlete my whole life was part of my identity and suddenly it was taken away. Not my whole identity, but a big part of it. It was part of who I was. And then, it was gone. I was not longer a setter. I no longer went to practice. Like any other break up, it takes time to discover yourself again. You fill the hole you feel in your life with other things. You start to feel complete again. But I realized that there were some indispensable things you learn as an athlete. So here's my first sports/life analogy. Hopefully there will be more...we'll see.
Live Life Like Every Second is Game Five.
So here's a quick volleyball lesson...College volleyball plays a best of 5 set format. The first four sets are played to 25 points. The fifth and final deciding set is only played to 15 points. All games must be won by two points. All games are played using rally scoring. That means that every time someone makes a mistake (i.e. hits it into the net, misses a serve, hits the ball out, etc.) the other team gets a point. So you can see how important that 5 set really is. It's fast. No room for error, but also no room to be timid. You just get out there and leave it all on the floor.
That's how we should live life...like it's the fifth set in the biggest match of our life. Well because it is.
It's your life. Do you need another excuse to put yourself out there. A bigger reason? A better excuse? You shouldn't.
Live Life Like Every Second is Game Five.
So here's a quick volleyball lesson...College volleyball plays a best of 5 set format. The first four sets are played to 25 points. The fifth and final deciding set is only played to 15 points. All games must be won by two points. All games are played using rally scoring. That means that every time someone makes a mistake (i.e. hits it into the net, misses a serve, hits the ball out, etc.) the other team gets a point. So you can see how important that 5 set really is. It's fast. No room for error, but also no room to be timid. You just get out there and leave it all on the floor.
That's how we should live life...like it's the fifth set in the biggest match of our life. Well because it is.
It's your life. Do you need another excuse to put yourself out there. A bigger reason? A better excuse? You shouldn't.
Regret not
Just don't. Do what you need to do when you need to it. Don't regret not being strong enough to stand up for yourself. Don't regret not speaking up. Don't regret not following your heart. Don't regret not following through on your instincts. Don't regret not telling someone exactly how you feel. Just don't. Because trust me, you will wake up tomorrow and regret not doing it. Regret Not! Just don't.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Kick a pigeon
The pigeons in downtown St. Louis keep getting worse. First, just a couple would loiter around, pecking and cooing. Fine. I can handle a couple of pigeons.
Slowly, the word got out. St. Louis is a mighty fine place to peck and coo, they told each other. Now they are everywhere.
If someone had drop kicked a couple of those early pigeons, other pigeons around the country would have heeded the warning and stayed away from St. Louis.
I guess that's why they say hind site is 20/20.
Slowly, the word got out. St. Louis is a mighty fine place to peck and coo, they told each other. Now they are everywhere.
If someone had drop kicked a couple of those early pigeons, other pigeons around the country would have heeded the warning and stayed away from St. Louis.
I guess that's why they say hind site is 20/20.
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