Broke

Do you ever feel broken? Deep down, broken? I have lost a lot in the last week and I feel broken. I feel helpless. I feel lonely. I feel like a failure. I feel like a little bit of me has died.

When you lose something, you have to learn to deal with the pain of not having it anymore. The agony of not knowing. The heartbreak of second guessing every single second of your past. The torture of saying goodbye without ever being able to say the words.

I feel lost. I feel hopeless. I feel like I have lost far more than just a friend. I have lost someone that I cared more about than I thought possible. And I can't do anything to bring them back. I can't make it right, and I can't change it. My heart hurts because of it.

I've cried. I've prayed. I have wished that things were different. I have hoped that I could fix this. Make it right. I can't. And because of that, I feel like I have died a little bit.